Before I begin, Drew would like me to let y’all know that this post is not about him or our relationship…LOL! And he’s right. This post is all about mistakes I’ve made in past relationships and how I’ve learned from them. I didn’t want to put any exes on blast by using a picture of the two of us, so this ripped-in-half picture of Drew and I will have to do 🙂 Here are five relationship mistakes that I’ve made, so y’all don’t have to!
Like most gals, I’ve been through a few breakups, makeups and relationship dramas. From my eighth grade boyfriend breaking up with me via text while I was at Anthropologie (cue tears in the changing room) to really getting my heart broken in college, I’m seasoned in the art (and failure) of relationships!
One thing I’ll say before I get down to it is, ultimately, I wouldn’t trade any of my experiences. Most of what I’ve been through in the boy department is something I can look back on now and laugh at. Or at least be grateful that I’ve learned so much and grown into someone who is in the happiest relationship of my life!
Okay, let’s get into the nitty gritty.
SAYING “I’M FINE” WHEN YOU’RE NOT
I am guilty as charged on this one. Even now, I sometimes pull the “I’m fine” card when something is actually bothering me! It’s tempting to pull this card when your significant other asks you if something is wrong. Maybe you don’t want to talk about it. Maybe you do want to talk about it, but are super annoyed that your man is even asking, because shouldn’t he already know what he did wrong?! Can you guys tell I’m reaaaallly guilty of this one yet?
Either way, if you’re not fine, say it. Especially if your partner is asking you flat out. Saying you’re OK when you’re mad or sad is immature and will ultimately lead to bottled up emotions! And a subsequent freakout at your boyfriend or a major pile of resentment that will start to build a wall between the two of you.
Again, guilty as charged! I am a chronic over thinker in all aspects of my life. And it’s definitely caused some problems in the past!
Relationships are tricky. They’re full of tiny signals, big emotions, outside influences and so much more. Overthinking in a relationship can you drive you crazy, and it’s an easy thing to start doing. If there isn’t a ton of trust between you and your partner, overthinking can quickly lead to suspicion, jealousy and insecurity. Three things that are not only awful to feel, but can also make for some nasty fights.
Sometimes, a “happy birthday” text from his ex is just a text. Sometimes, it’s something to worry about. Either way, don’t sit around and think the issue to death. Ask them straight up, and if you feel you can trust the person + their explanation, let it go and move on!
IGNORING YOUR INSTINCTS
While I don’t recommend falling into the “overthinking” trap, sometimes your mind (and heart) is trying to tell you something important.
Always, always, always trust your gut when it comes to relationships! Don’t ignore your instinct that something isn’t right or someone is being shady. Almost every “gut feeling” I’ve ignored has ultimately been the end of my relationships. Even if I waited months, or years, to address it! Yikes!
OBSESSING OVER THE “EX”
An ex is an ex for a reason. And my best advice here is to trust in the fact that your man is “over” his ex until he gives you a reason not to. Stalking her Instagram is NOT healthy! You’ll probably see old pictures of the two of them, which will probably make you sad and anxious. You’ll probably compare yourself to her, which will leave you jealous and insecure. You’re not her, which is probably a good thing, considering she + him didn’t work out!
If your significant other respects you, makes you laugh and treats you right, don’t make the “ex” an issue. And if the “ex” has decided to make herself an issue, do your best to rise above it. I’ve had a few exes try to cause trouble in my relationships. It’s stressful and annoying, but don’t engage. A pesky ex is probably looking to cause drama in your relationship, and if you react, you’re giving her exactly what she wants! Plus, getting involved in girl-on-girl hatred is toxic and leaves you both looking silly.
ARGUING VIA TEXT
Here’s my rule : if the text is longer than four lines (excluding grocery store lists), do not send it. There is nothing good that comes from having an argument or a fight via text. Things can be misread, taken the wrong way and blown out of proportion. I’ve sent my fair share of novels during texting arguments. Literally pages and pages. While it does feel good to write all of your feelings out and be able to edit a text to say everything you want say, talking face to face is always better.
So, the next time you get ready to crack your knuckles and get typing, take a step back. A simple “I’d rather talk in person” or “I don’t want to have this conversation via text” will do the trick.
I hope you guys enjoyed this post and can relate to some of my relationship dramas! Don’t hesitate to leave a question or comment below. XO!
P.S. Love you, Drew. Sorry I took a fake polaroid of us and ripped it up in Photoshop 🙂